*UPDATE: SENIORITIS SPREADS THROUGH 2015!*

Jawan Douglas

Senioritis:

Jawan M. Douglas, Lizzy Miceli

Department of Infectious Diseases, Desoto High School (Health & Science Academy)

Address all correspondence and requests for further investigation to: Dr. Jawan M. Douglas, Desoto High School Health & Science Academy, 600 Eagle Drive, 75115 Desoto, Texas.

We investigated a weird phenomenon ongoing throughout Desoto High School. A large amount of students have been contaminated with a rare infectious disease known as Senioritis (or Senioritis Lazyteenis). This disease only seems to be affecting the Class of 2015, which only consists of Seniors. While observing the infected seniors, I have noticed that the infection is highly contagious. Everyday, the numbers of un-infected kids are decreasing by the minute. Studies have shown that this disease brings side effects as well. For any student that is infected, the side effects are known to be:

  •       Slacking off in classes
  •       Skipping classes every period
  •       Sleep-deprived
  •       Laziness
  •       Loss of energy
  •       Horrible hygiene
  •       Only participating in after-school events (sports, parties, pep rallies, etc.)

Upon questioning some of the infected seniors, a young man named Kameron Leeves was one of the first. As I questioned the young man, I observed his laissez-faire condition. “Ever since I was diagnosed with Senioritis, I didn’t feel much concern for classes nor school,” Leeves said. I asked in what has he neglected his studies as a senior since the year will soon be ending. “I have skipped classes to see my old teachers, talked with the security team and hung out with my friends who’re also infected.” Kameron Leeves was more focused with graduating and leaving the school than with finishing his classes.

As I further investigated Senioritis, I came across many more victims of this rapid infectious disease. I came across with some of the fellow staff members undergoing the infection, and in the midst, I found Brichelle Anderson, one of the most promising seniors of the Class of 2015. While questioning Anderson on her incrementing condition, she made it aware that because of Senioritis, she didn’t finish a research paper, began skipping classes, sleeping in class when the teacher is giving notes, and all she’s been focusing on is Prom & her dress. I pray that Senioritis does not become the undoing of all her hard work.
Before concluding my research, I was able to analyze the data presented by my colleagues at the lab. According to Senioritis, the one thing to cure the Seniors of this horrible disease is the Graduatis Glorificus, which only blooms every year on June 6. So until then, we must find an alternative to help the students. I just hope that we don’t lose them all to this disease.